• Pain: 1/10
• Inconvenience: 5/10

You’d think someone who was banned from eating for 2 months would have every desire to go out for a big, fancy meal when that ban was lifted, but you’d be wrong. My very first meal will be Kraft Dinner. And it’s going to be the best damn Kraft Dinner that anyone ever did eat!

Today marks the end of my 3rd week post-op. You know what that means, right? It means I’m exactly 1/4 of the way to my full recovery! What a beautiful number!

I went to visit a friend yesterday. He just moved, so I wanted to see his new place. As soon as I walked in the door, he started laughing at how I sound. About 10 minutes later, he figured out who I sound like: Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye. Just for reference, I’ve apparently resembled the following voices to date:

• Donald Duck
• Kermit the Frog
• Elmer Fudd
• And now, Sue Thomas: F.B.Eye

“Oh! I just thought you were really shy!”

Anyway, since he recently moved, he was still in the process of furnishing his new house. He had a set of used lamps lined up for the living room, so we hopped in a truck and drove over to the lamps’ current home. A pretty girl let us in, showed us the items for sale, and continually looked at me quite awkwardly, as if I had an eye out of place or something (which, due to the fact that I can go cross-eyed at will, is not entirely out of the question). Eventually, my friend explained my predicament to this polite stranger, to which she responded, “Oh! I just thought you were really shy!” Of course, once she realized I could talk, she wasted no time in asking me all about it. I should have just pointed her here.

I successfully snapped both elastics yesterday. However, it only took a couple of minutes to put them back in! I have a new appreciation for those elastics now. When my jaw was free for a few hours, it decided to throw one of its hissy fits. With no elastics in place to restrict movement, my mouth tried to open way too wide, and it hurt. It hurt a heck of a lot. At least when the elastics are working, they stop my jaw dead in its tracks before it throws me into excruciating pain.

I decided to restock my Ensure supply at work today. I carried 2 new cases of it in with me this morning. My “Ensure shelf” is now the proud home of no fewer than 31 bottles of meal replacements. *shudder*

A fellow jaw surgery hero was telling me she couldn’t blow air out of her mouth very well, so putting out candles was difficult. Then the idea of jaw surgery olympics was formed. I foresee the following events at the 2010 Jaw Surgery Olympics:

• Bubble blowing
• Whistling
• Opening your mouth as wide as you can
• See who the first person to detect water running down their chin is
• Fastest elastics-changer
• The Greatest Blender Concoction Challenge™
• The Breath Test

I’m sure a crowd of 10 or 20 people would show up for an event of that scale, right?