• Pain: 4/10
• Inconvenience: 10/10 (We’re back to a mere 100% inconvenience because I’ve stopped drooling in my sleep!)

Thought I’d go for the “deer in the headlights” look today…

I slept on the couch last night, and I think I’m going to keep it that way for awhile. I haven’t really been sleeping through the night due to sheer discomfort, so I may as well be in a position where I can at least watch episodes of Heroes all night long, right? I found I slept better on the couch last night than I have all week in bed anyway.

My day started like this: My jaw clicked about 8 times, which felt extremely unsettling, then my wonderful mother made me a fruit smoothie because I can’t handle another chocolate supplement for breakfast. I then went to take my first drink of the honey-strawberry-banana-ice cream concoction–by syringe, of course–spilled it all down my chin, because I missed my mouth, and then had it drop down my shirt, onto my pants, and onto the floor.

It’s supposed to be +10 ºC today, however, so how can I let a little triple-spill like that dampen my spirits?

I tried drinking through a straw today, even though I knew I wouldn’t be able to create the suction necessary. I sounded like one of the aliens from District 9, complete with the gurgling. I’m glad we don’t have any small children around. They’d have nightmares for months after listening to me try to feed.

I have good news today too! My swelling is finally fleeting, albeit very slowly, but I can see that my lower jaw is most definitely set in behind my upper jaw. Much success! As I was noticing this in the mirror, I also noticed I have huge jowls. Hasn’t everyone wished they could talk about their jowls at one point or another? That’s what I thought.

I’ve vowed to always brush my teeth and have the freshest breath around from here on in (once I’m able). I don’t know why anyone would ever opt to not have the freshest, most minty breath around. I remember a kid from junior high who had such terrible breath that I would have to turn away and hold my own breath every time he spoke to me. My mouth still smells like a salmon smokery, except the salmon is becoming more and more rotten each day–putrid. I can already see the ladies lining up.

I’ve become wildly aware of the mockery that caged animals live with each and every day. I kid you not–I have had family members come over to my house specifically to watch me administer food by syringe, like I’m some spectacle in the local zoo. Those poor animals…

“How’s my little Quasimodo doing?”

And I’d like to extend a quick thank you to my friend who called to check up on me with that comforting question yesterday. Bless you.

I shall leave you with a fact and a funny thought. First, the thought: I remembered today that my surgeon had offered to put silicon implants in my cheeks during the surgery just to ensure that they didn’t end up being sunken. What was I thinking when I said no?! I could have been as pretty as plastic!

And now for the fact: I have officially lost 19 pounds during these first 5 days. I can almost fit my hand around my own forearm now. I don’t belong in North America any longer.